By starlight and goodnight

I meat a red fox at the edge of town one night. He said, Jesus is the answer. I wondered what was the question.
He teased so I’d follow. And I did as he ran. Luwerd me into an area of two square meters. Welcome to nowhere, fast. Welcome to the City of Saints he proclamed.
People glared in chaotic rush. As he gave birth to meaningless sounds. The drum took place of my heart beat, and I thought of the thief that stole my senses… and the indescribable moments of my life.
Despite my rage, I’m only just a cat locked up in a cage, I told this Fox.
He replied, the door is always open here. Feel free to come and go as you please. Be what you want to be, who you want to be… Mary, Dorothy, be Indya, no, be Vivianne.
I stared eyes wide open, and saw how he stole the pulse of the loners. How their life became his, for moments, for a few hours. Mesmerized. Hipnotized. The crowd had no way to disconnect. Steal me now, I pleaded. Keep me in your jail, before I run out of sound. Before... I run out of time. Sing me more songs. A new one just for me.
Instead there were two, amazing all ears and souls. It soon would be opening time, the sun would be out and up again… no one would leave. Humor us before we have to go, speak to us in a language we can hear.
He gave in and declared only one more dance.
I just want to see you dance... I heard him whisper as I left. I walked down what seemed an empty street and looked back. I saw his shadow like of someone so hard to find.
When I stopped breathing in the arms of sleep, I dreamt of this journey. I opened my eyes and I swear I saw this red fox unlock my cage door…


*perfect concert!
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Hoy y mañana

Igual a 70% da população portuguesa questiono-me: where the f*ck vou arranjar dinheiro este mês para pagar as malditas contas...? Chegam todas ao mesmo tempo, estilo reunião de família, ou festa "bora lá todos para a caixa de correio da Vivianne, yeah!!"

Não paro de me lembrar do desespero da protagonista do filme "Hoy y mañana", quando o senhorio lhe diz que tem 12 horas para arranjar dinheiro para pagar a renda da casa. Tipa corajosa...! Não desiste, vai à luta.

Depois penso: esquece, com este par de mamas não te safas...
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Imaginary conversation... ?

Loverboy - Amiga da minha vida! Tive um problema, não pude atender a sua chamada. Desculpa... sei que está chateada comigo e com razão.
Eu - ...
Loverboy - Olha, se faz você se sentir melhor, imagine o que aconteceu ao meu celular??
Eu - ... vá... o quê?
Loverboy - Mas correu tudo bem, não correu?
Eu - sim...
Loverboy - Imagine... deixei dentro do bolso das minhas calças, dentro da máquina de lavar... em funcionamento! Ficou estragado... afogou! Ai amiga, só comigo.
Eu - Tenho um amigo que costuma dizer "instant karma"; Seria "perfect karma" se tu tivesses deixado lá além do teu precioso celular, a pila.
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LM 22/04/1970 - 21/10/1998

Dearest friend,
Hope your new life has been keeping you well. Around here, many things have happened many still to be…
Another year has gone by since my last letter and I find myself in the same mood I was in, ten years ago. Still the same shape, the same color. I come and go like seasons. Keeping daddy's place, I guess. My old habit of drawing and writing holding a cigarette is back. I missed it… yes, the ones I never smoke. I prefer their smell non-smoked. I recall your smile, when I explained that to you and how you laughed when I assured it was calming.
Life has been bitter sweet, but you know me I like the ends and making them meet…or not. In the fear of receiving another letter closed with lacquer, I keep delaying my departure… always for a few more days. But I've said my goodbyes a long time ago. Then days turn into weeks and eventually months. I think back about all the things you had said, many things you would say today, if you were around… So, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know I finally got around to destroying that piece of paper. I tore it up into a thousand pieces and sent it to the Netherlands in a box I expect never to see again. I'd expect this to bring me more courage. It did in a way...
Speaking of courage, I can’t believe my parents are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary today. As you know, the actual celebration stopped on the day you left. Many you knew have left after you… maybe to remind the ones that stay: hey! you're alive – take advantage of it.
I have been sleeping enough to get me through the days. I’m less afraid. I smile every day and honestly, I’ve been pretty happy. No need for giggle pills. The trick is to keep breathing.
Remember the song “Roses”? and how you'd play it over and over again? And the times the wind swept our faces and we talked ‘till it dawned. I recall those times with a smile on my face. All the messes, f*ck...tremendous messes! “Quote, its time to make a mess…” It all feels so far away…
A cat told me that I have so many ghosts. I’m so glad you are one of them.
Miss you tremendously.
V.

Little instants III

She saw the tiny eyes stare up at her. Wanted so much to open the cage door. Instead she ran as fast as she could. Knowing she could never forgive herself. It had chosen her... "tear drop" would of been the perfect name.

Come to think of it...

Há, nas pessoas que não sofrem de insónia, uma disciplina que as transforma em exemplares do paleolítico. Na maior parte dos casos usam pijama e espremem o tubo da pasta de dentes pelo fim...

António Sousa Homem
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dEUS - Bad Timing

Because today I feel ridiculous and sublime....

* sorry if the video isn't that grand, but its one of my favorite songs... I just had to post it.

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Things XIII

"Tédio onde o só ter tédio nos seduz..."

Fernado Pessoa

...and a f*cking headache... and a f*cking deadline... and ...

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Snap Shot II

Ao fundo, céu e mar cinzento. Areia, cinzenta. Muro, cinzento. Árvore cinzenta, também. Só o sol e as vestes são laranja claro. Lenço esvoaçante. Olhar perdido... cinzento.

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Tiny haunted machines

O.K. Vou deitar fora o meu telemóvel. Definitivamente está assombrado.
Alguém me pode explicar por favor, se nas definições está em modo normal… assim para se ouvir o toque e tudo, porque carga de agua está um sinal no ecrã a indicar modo silencioso?? Pior, não toca mesmo!
A minha amiga perguntou-me: "Mas vibra, não vibra?" Sigh... sim, vibra.
If I wanted a vibrator, I would of bought f*cking vibrator, ok!
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Things XII

"Há muito tempo está tudo estragado entre nós, maravilhosamente estragado... para sempre."

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Snap Shot

A senhora parecia morta. Dormia profundamente... O livro aberto em cima da barriga saliente. O titulo: "Long way gone"

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The Cardigans - Live & Learn

Because today I have no regrets on my mind...

Happy birthday daddy...
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Where the sun sets facing the sea...

Voltei. Não, não voltei… ficaram lá pedaços de mim. Ainda estou no regresso. Do sítio onde o sol nasce no mar. Esse mar que não é o meu. Pertence a outra gente. Despede-se todos os dias com outra cor, outro cheiro. Apaixonei-me… pelo cinzento, o verde e o brilho no olhar acompanhado de um sorriso. Sempre o sorriso… que nos pinta a alma de tons laranja, quente. Igual a um abraço. Um continente antigo, onde tudo dizem ter começado, exala agora aroma a parto. Nasce, uma vez mais. E com ele todos aqueles que o olham… que sentem o seu palpitar.

Vista da Costa do sol, Maputo

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